


One hundred and twenty-seven days, or four months

by Boshy



Series: Boshy- Sakuatsu angst week 2021 [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Falling Out of Love, Friendship, Love, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Mirrors, Poetry, Wistful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-25 06:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30084912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boshy/pseuds/Boshy
Summary: Atsumu doesn’t love Sakusa Kiyoomi, but he wishes he did.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: Boshy- Sakuatsu angst week 2021 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2203725
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5
Collections: SakuAtsuAngstWeek





	One hundred and twenty-seven days, or four months

**Author's Note:**

> Day 8 prompt: "I love you. I keep repeating it like it's true."
> 
> Enjoy!

I hate you.  
I love you.  
I hate you.  
I like you.  
I hated you.  
I wanted you.  
I hated you.  
I got you.  
I hated you.  
I love you.

You hated me.  
You liked me.  
You hated me.  
You wanted me.  
You hated me.  
You got me.  
You hated me.  
You don’t love me.  
(But Atsumu, I still love you)

* * *

  
He wishes that he still loved Sakusa Kiyoomi. He really does. But every day’s the same; he says I love you but the words feel empty on his tongue. Foreign, like they don’t belong.

“I love you.”

They just never feel right. They never fit. 

He tries, he really does, but it doesn’t work.

Why? Why doesn’t it work?

Even if it doesn’t work, it still hurts.

He wishes that he still loved Sakusa Kiyoomi. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t anymore.

When Kiyoomi leaves his apartment, Atsumu stands in front of his mirror and practices.

“I love you,”

“I love Omi-Omi,”

“I love Sakusa Kiyoomi,”

And so on; but each time, he finishes with a frown instead of a smile. He knows that Kiyoomi loves him. But he can’t reciprocate those feelings; not anymore.

He wishes that he still loved Sakusa Kiyoomi. He wouldn’t know how to tell you why he doesn’t anymore.

Every day, at practice, he meets Kiyoomi with a fake smile and a wave.

“Hiya Omi-Omi!”

Every day, Kiyoomi would turn to him and reply with a smile:

“Hey, love,”

And every day, Atsumu manages to just barely catch himself from flinching each time he heard that word.

He’d keep his smile from faltering. Just barely. 

He wishes that he still loved Sakusa Kiyoomi.

Sakusa Kiyoomi really loved him, and Atsumu was reminded of it every day.

He wishes that he still loved Sakusa Kiyoomi but he doesn’t.

Atsumu doesn’t love Sakusa Kiyoomi.

And Atsumu has never been one to beat around the bush.

He asked if Kiyoomi loved him (more and more each day). 

Why does Kiyoomi still love him, (I can list a hundred reasons if you want me to)?

Atsumu doesn’t love Sakusa Kiyoomi, but he wishes he did.

“Kiyoomi I don’t love you,”

Silence.

“I. Love. You. I loved you. I love you, I keep repeating it like it’s true. Each time you leave, I stand there, in front of the mirror, and I make myself say those words. Over and over again. I wish I still loved you, but I don’t, and no amount of practising in front of a mirror can change that,”

“How long?”

“Maybe a couple of days; a week? I don’t know,” He shrugged.

“One hundred. One hundred and twenty-seven days. That’s how long we’ve been together,” Kiyoomi said, trembling, “That’s just over four months now. But that’s okay, four months isn’t that long right? I can get over it, soon enough. I just need space. And time. Lots of time.” Kiyoomi let out a laugh, “Atsumu, I love you, but I guess, this is goodbye right?”

Atsumu nodded.

“Okay,” He whispered, “Can I have a hug before you leave? Please,”

Atsumu wiped his tear with a laugh, walking over to Kiyoomi, “ ‘Course ya can, just because our relationship is over doesn’t mean our friendship is, right?”

“Never,” Kiyoomi clutched Atsumu’s shirt tighter, tears staining the back of both of their shirts, “Never ever,”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/boshy26)


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